This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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