Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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