i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
