So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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