Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
