Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
