i love accidental penises.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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