It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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