Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
