Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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