Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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