Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
