my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
