the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
