I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
