i would punch a child for taco bell
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
