Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
