oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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