It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
