I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
