There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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