hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
