Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You are a genius and a whore.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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