Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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