I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've blown a few things in my day
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
