It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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