i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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