There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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