So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
