every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
