why didn't you poke me back
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
