At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
