Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
