Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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