y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
