I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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