The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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