is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
