Define "chronic" masturbator.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
