I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
