I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize