it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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