Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think i have herpe
just one?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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