He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
