Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
