its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
