I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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