I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
