oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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