the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
