Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
