dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
