I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
being pregnant is like rehab
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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