dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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