duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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