imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
