You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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