I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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