Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
