I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
