is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
