I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
