Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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