we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
