dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
