god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
