I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
