I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
