Sober January is a disaster.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
