whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize