Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
