I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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