I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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