I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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