i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
