I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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