ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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